Inspiration is a funny thing – it can come from something as sublime as a dramatic landscape, or as ridiculous as a trip to the toilet. It’s a well-known fact that more than a few poets and authors have remedied their writer’s block by answering the call of nature. Of course, the creative process can be helped along by a well-chosen writing exercise or two: a really fun option is the acrostic, a poem in which the first letter of each line spells out a word. Simply pick your word, write it lengthways down the page, and you have a ready-made framework for your poem. The content of your piece doesn’t have to relate to the chosen word, and Barbara takes a typically oblique, surreal approach to her subject, although her concluding line does have the distinct flavour of Peanut Butter M&Ms (other confectionery brands are available). From sweet to salty, and ‘You blether’ sprang out of a group discussion about Scottish words – their origins and evocations. David takes us on a gloriously dark excursion via such lexical delights as ‘skinny malinky’, ‘simmet’, ‘boke’, and ‘Jock Tamson’s bairns’. Finally, Angela’s take on 2020 mixes humour, sadness and a slice of madness – ‘panic buying on toilet rolls’ – proving that the smallest room in the house can be home to more than just a welcome flash of inspiration…
– John, Reading & Creative Writing group leader
Peanut Butter by Barbara
Please can you go to
Edinburgh ma’am, are you
Able to do that but
Not today as I need
Us to go to the pub to get a
Toddy for me and my
Brother Johnny who is
Under the table just now.
Try and coax him out.
Tickle him please and
Eventually he will come out and
Reward you with a Smartie or a Malteser.
You blether by David
You blether like it’s going out of fashion
Makes me ears ring
Your skinny malinky long legs
Yer bum’s out of the windae
Your father wore a simmet
With many holes in it
He smelled boke
Enough to wear clothes pegs on your nose
He walks on dreich days
Till it’s as black as the earl of hell’s waistcoat
After every walk
He would sit down puffed out
Saying I’m pure done in
He always said we are all Jock Tamson’s bairns
With a sweet thin smile
Always keeping the Heid
No matter the push and pull of others
Sister and brothers
We always thought
Lang may yer lum reek
Until he went six feet underneath
2020 by Angela
It has been quite a year
Not too much to make us cheer
In March, we went into lockdown
So no visits into town
No sport was played
As crowds couldn’t gather
We had to keep our hands in a lather
Panic buying on toilet rolls
Which we found rather droll
We used to meet in the classroom
Now we meet on zoom
If going out we have to wear masks
No questions asked
Eventually a vaccine is here
So I hope this virus disappears
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